I have always been an observer, a quiet one within the noise. I see, hear, take it all in and sometimes ask myself how can I help more parents connect with their child, families connect with one another on a more intimate level and stay in that rhythm no matter what swirves their way in their daily lives. I saw the most heartfelt thing today while I was shopping in Target and it truly made my heart smile with awe witnessing this interaction between a mother and her son, maybe about 4 years old at the most I would guess. Her son was having some trouble navigating his emotions after she had told him calmly “no’ to something he was doing or couldn’t have in the moment. He got pretty upset and worked up into tears alongside some heavy panting as he was working through those tough emotions like all children do. They are still learning at that age how to regulate and navigate those big feelings in reaction to things. What I loved the most is what happened next as I passed her with my shopping cart….she scooped him up and quietly whispered to him as she was holding him close, “breathe, breathe in the most loving gently yet direct tone. She held her son so lovingly creating that space for him to feel his big feelings and the safe place for him to be held in while helping him find the calm within it. AND the beautiful piece…she was able to keep herself calm, cool, and collected within those big feelings her son was navigating. She was able to regulate herself in order to be present with her own emotions alongside her son’s behavior. It was something you don’t see too often sadly yet it was so inspiring and as I passed her…I said that was beautiful to see as she smiled back at me!!
When I was a nanny for families, one of the toughest parts of my job was finding the balance of defining my role within the family dynamics as an extension of the families I worked with. So simply put, observing without reacting and learning how to respond and become a catalyst for change with their children when behavior got out of control. How I communicated with the children when big feelings came out and behavior got tricky was pivotal. At times even the most patient soul can be tested especially being a new dynamic introduced into the family. And for a nanny walking into the unknown family environment is not an easy path but it was a challenge I accepted and learned so much from all the experiences.
In my observations as a nanny, an aunt, a family therapist…one thing was crystal clear to me, children absorb feelings and behavior from their parents like a sponge. They see everything even when we think they don’t, they do. Children may not understand completely what is happening around them but what we do and how we react/respond is KEY to how they then will react/respond in moments that feel out of our control. I bet you are sitting there wondering but how do I navigate my child’s crazy big feelings when they are having a meltdown in public or crying hysterically and I am spinning out of control in reaction to it?
My thoughts for all the wonderful moms out there who might be feeling pushed to the brink is to take a moment, close your eyes, put your hand over your heart, take a deep cleansing full breath and ask yourself this…..In these moments, what is happening inside of you and what are you feeling? Overwhelmed? Tired? Disrespected? Over the big feelings your child always has? Yes, yes, and probably yes to all the above!!
Could it be that maybe you find yourself in those moments unable to understand your own emotions, so caught up in theirs that your child’s emotions are the tip of the iceberg and has pushed your last button? They way through all my wonderful moms starts with awareness, aware of what is going on inside us first and foremost. I know this is going to be a hard pill to swallow but all we really can control is ourselves and how we handle and react to what is going on outside of ourselves. Once we can do that and create that place of awareness and peace inside us, the rest does come….maybe not right away because I believe everything is a journey, a road well traveled if you are willing to do the hard things to open the path for change for yourself and your little ones still learning their way through too alongside you! My heart is with you, you got this!!